FML

Start Posting FMLs idc if its ur or some one else


Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

Today,
I wanted to have a good lunch with my wife before fasting for my
surgery which I may not survive, she decided getting her hair cut was
more important. I ate alone. FML

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

Today, the girl I've loved for the past two years finally expressed her innermost feelings for me. After a brief make out session, she asked me to "never leave her side". When I got home, my mom told me that my dad got a new job. I'm moving to the other side of the globe in two weeks. FML

Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly ressembled the sounds my wife makes in bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML

Today, my teacher demanded to talk to my dad because she thought he wasn't a good enough male role model because I'd misbehaved. I told her he had died of cancer in 2005. She said that my lie was rude, disgraceful, and that I should be ashamed, then gave me a detention. He actually did die. FML

im confused 1st your 15 in one post then 16 in here then u got a wife? i dont think you can get married at 15 or 16... too let you know

those arnt mine i found those online i just put my favorites i found